For the Locker: Maggie Gyllenhaal on Performing Ourselves

There are a number of reasons my blog posts have been sporadic lately. I've been wrestling with demons, and that takes up a lot of time and head space. It's tough to blog in the face of that.

So here's a little snippet for the locker. It's from an interview TIME Magazine did with Maggie Gyllenhaal.

"I relate to panic sometimes. One of the things that's happening to [my character] is that she's going from being somebody who performs all the time and feels that she has to be extraordinary to somebody is actually a human being. [...] I think it's something all human beings can relate to---performing themselves, thinking they're supposed to be what they imagined they were going to be when they were 20."

I found it comforting. I hope you do as well.

Legacy

Today's post inspired by this post, written by the inimitable J.A. Kazimer. Julie's going blind, which is sad for a nearly endless host of reasons. And she's thinking about her legacy, and in her post she asks other people to do the same.

So I'm going to, because this is a question I have struggled with over the last year.

To me, the question of legacy is one of what you want to be remembered for, which boils down more or less into what will make you consider your life a success. And that, in turn, translates into the question of what it's most important to do with your time. Because time is the one thing we can't get more of.

All this interacts with the writing lifestyle in complicated and terrible ways.

The writing monster will consume as many hours as you throw at it. You can always write more. Do one more revision. Sleep less. Quit your job. Abandon your family. Live for the art and the art alone.

Really, you can. There's nobody who can stop you from doing so but yourself. And there seem to be (and I place a lot of emphasis on seem to be here, because our culture loves narratives of hard work) a lot of successful writers who, at some point in their lives, did pretty much nothing other than write.

So for me, struggling and struggling and struggling to build a career out of hard work and dedication glued together with a little bit of talent, I had to confront a very difficult question last year:

What is most important to me, in life? Is it being the best writer I can possibly be, or is it something else?

And I decided (more accurately, I remembered) that writing successfully is not the end-all be-all of my existence, even though that poses certain challenges when making a career out of it. A long time ago, I decided that the measure of success in my life would be how many other lives I improved.

So that will be my legacy, I hope. When I cross paths with people, I want them to be glad they met me. And when I'm gone, that's what I want people to remember.

Writing is one way I hope to do that, but it can't be the only one.

And if I succeed at writing well, I suspect that will be why. When writing is all you have, it's easy to get desperate---for praise, for money, for validation. And you can't be desperate when you write. People can smell desperation, and they tend to stay away from it.

But if you build a balanced life and give writing only as much of it as it deserves, you can avoid that, I think.

So cheers. Legacy. And if you're into it, go read one of Julie's F***ed-Up Fairy Tales.

Indiana

I've noticed, as I do the Skype calls with Soulwoven's Kickstarter backers, that a question keeps popping up: How are things in Indiana?

I don't know why the question surprises me; after all, most people don't live here. And most people I tell that I live here don't seem to have ever thought much about the place. I know I didn't before I came.

So I thought I'd take a moment to share. It's windy. Very windy what seems like every day but is probably much less often than that. It was also beastly cold this winter, but I think that can be said of most places in the U.S. this year. The soil is full of clay, at least where I am, which makes it very squidgy and a little hard to work with if you're planting things. But things also grow very well once you get them in the ground.

And the spring times are beautiful. This weekend was particularly gorgeous, and I spent most of it outside doing springly things around the house. I took some photos while I was at it, some of which are worth sharing.

This is the tree that hangs over the deck in my backyard. It has burst into enormous clouds of white flowers that smell a bit like fish, or, to my mind, something less mentionable in polite company. But when you're upwind of it, it's gorgeous.

This is the other tree in my backyard. There's a cardinal in this picture, a bright red one that looks just like the cardinals that serve as sports mascots. It's in the lower-left quadrant, where two branches come together, and it's much harder to find in the photo than it was in real life.

Same tree, different bird. This photo has a woodpecker in it, just about dead center, perched on top of the knobbly bit in the tree. It's very difficult to spot, even knowing it's there. There are many kinds of birds here. It rained this morning, and in the afternoon there were robins, woodpeckers, and a third kind of bird I'm not familiar with bathing in a puddle on the street.

This is what it looks like almost every afternoon and evening looking west from my deck, unless it's cloudy or raining.

This is my cat, who is queen of the stoop and guardian of the steps that lead to the deck.

Near my house there is a Wal-Mart. And near that Wal-Mart there is a pond that was full of birds this weekend. There were several of these herons.

This is my cat's idea of helping me clean the deck, which had a rough winter and fall. Or maybe she's just waiting for me to finish so she can go back outside and stalk birds and squirrels a little more.

And that's what life in Indiana is like, on its best days. Sometimes it rains, and sometimes it's cloudy for days on end and drives me crazy, but there are always good bits to balance out the bad.

Work on Soulwoven: Exile continues. I am still in the midst of researching deep dark things, but I should be out of it and applying my hard-won knowledge to scenes soon.

Kickstarter Success!

So as you all can see from the widget over that way ------>

The Soulwoven Kickstarter successfully funded at midnight last night. It's going to take me a few days, I think, to fully process my thoughts on this, because there are a lot of them.

For now, I just want to share a couple of pictures.

This is what Kickstarter success looks like when you're facing a computer screen.

And this is what Kickstarter success looks like if you're a computer screen looking out.

I'll be back soon to tell you what it feels like to be an author who just successfully completed a Kickstarter, but we can start with the following:

It feels great.

-J

A Post About a Kitten

When I started this blog, it was under the assumption that the only people reading it would be probably be a.) people who knew me already, or b.) people who were much more interested in learning things about writing and editing than anything else.

But nowadays there are more people following me. I'm happy just to have them around. Like, really happy just to have them around.

But I know I like learning little things about the authors I follow. So I've been wondering how best to share little bits about myself over the Internet, and the other day I was texting things to my fiancee about our new kitten, and I realized that what I notice and deem worth taking the time to text about says an awful lot about who I am.

So I thought I'd share some of those texts.

Also this kitten has taken over my life, and that seems noteworthy to me.

Enjoy!

-Jeff

For the concerned: She's fine. They gave us medicine, which we gave to her, and now she's running around like a turbofurball causing havoc in the house whenever possible.

And this is what she looks like.

News for the Week of 4.26.13: Kickstartin', Gestatin', and Exhastio'in

Hello, Dear Friends and Readers!

Ph-ew! Another exhausting week behind me, and glad of it. Sales are petering out for Three Dances, which is what I expected. Now we’re in what I like to think of as the gestation period. The initial buyers of the book are reading it. If they love it, they’ll start telling other people and sales will pick up. If they don’t, well, then I suppose I should have written a better book.

In the meantime, work has been going well on Soulwoven: Exile. I’m down to the last few chapters, and then it’s time to let it sit and marinate for a bit before it goes out to early readers. I apologize for taking so long to get it to you. I have no excuse but the fact that I want to do a good job, and that there are only 24 and a bit hours in the day.

I think it’s turning out well though, and that you’ll like it.

Speaking of Soulwoven: I’ve been mulling over the Kickstarter idea, and the more I think, the more I like it. I’ve started pricing out the services I’d like to contract for it, and I’m starting to get a sense of how I’m going to structure the campaign. Basically, the more funding the book gets, the better the help I’ll be able to buy for it, and the better the rewards will be for the people who help fund it.

Sound cool? Let me know. I’m going to draft up a survey next week to get an idea of what sorts of bonuses and swag and extras people would be interested in getting in return for funding. The ideas I’ve got range from full editing on their own books (which, since I do it for a living, is pretty pricy to buy a la carte), to signed editions, to personalized notes-in-the-margins editions, to extra novellas and short stories, to gear like t-shirts and mugs and pens and what-have-you.

But what I really want are YOUR ideas. What’s the thing you want most in the world from me? Let me know, and I might just be able to offer it up as a Kickstarter reward.

If you’ve never participated in a Kickstarter campaign before, you should go check some out. They’re heaps of fun.

So that’s what’s up with me. Oh, and I’m buying a house. And moving to Indiana. And getting married. And still managing to get up and work every day.

Hope all’s well with you, too, gentle readers.

-Jeff

One for the Locker: Austin Grossman on Video Games and Writing

If any of you have ever taken the time to peruse my old blog, you'll see that I've learned a lot of things about storytelling from playing video games. I now no longer have so much time to do that (sad! Although I have a smashing idea that will give me an excuse to play for 24 hours straight next Fall, so stay tuned), but I still think often about the writing in video games and what an amazing playground it looks like to me from the outside.

Anyway, this article is about what it looks like from the inside, and its author reminded me a bit of myself. Except that I applied for jobs writing video games and got one in publishing instead.

Funny ol' world, innit?

http://www.polygon.com/2013/4/18/4231940/opinion-video-games-taught-me-how-to-write

News for the Week of 4.18.13: Fall-Down Tiredness, Three Dances' Warm Reception, and Potential Kickstarting

Hello, Dear Friends and Readers!

I write to you today completely and utterly exhausted. It’s been a heck of a week. The Three Dances launch party went off well last weekend; I’ve been posting snippets from my speech there up on my blog all week, if you’re interested. Tomorrow I’ll post a reading from “The Jazz Festival” as well.

Three Dances itself is getting a much warmer reception than I expected. I thought of it as quite a weird book, but people are saying wonderful things about it on Goodreads, and Amazon, and Wattpad, and also in private messages to me. And that makes me wonderfully happy.

Meanwhile it’s off to the next book! I’m finishing up revisions on Soulwoven: Exile---just ten chapters left, and I’m getting into the real meaty, pulse-racy, everything-changes-forever sort of material. I feel sort of like I’m dancing drunk, because by the time I get to the book every night I’m so tired I feel like falling over, and then I have to try to put words on the page in a way that makes sense and tells a story, and that’s hard.

But I learned in college that sometimes I dance pretty well when I’m drunk.

Anyway, the wonderful reception that Three Dances has gotten has me thinking more about Soulwoven and how to best launch it this summer. I’m thinking about a Kickstarter, because the book is long enough and serious enough that I’d love to buy some professional help for it (copy editing, developmental editing, and line editing, in that order), but I have nowhere near the funds I need in order to do so. And I like the idea of letting fans fund the book in return for little treats like signed copies and marked up manuscript pages and doodles in the margins and critiques or edits or phone calls or visits from me. I want to reach out and make you guys a bigger part of my writing and my life, and that seems like a great way to do it.

Oh, and as I’m finishing up on Exile, I’m noodling final revisions for Nadya. I think it’s going to be good. I was a little rushed getting it out to agents last month, and I think giving it another pass or two will do good things for it.

So that’s me, so tired that I forget to feel excited some days.

Hope all’s well with you, too.

-Jeff

Countdown to Three Dances: Do It Now

I don't cry often.

It's not so much because I think I must be manly (although I sometimes do) as because I think I must be calm. I don't like letting my emotions get the better of me. When things get hard, I try to get rational and quiet and thoughtful.

But I cried last weekend.

Those of you who have been following the Three Dances posts will remember that I talked about a subject that made my stomach churn and my eyes tear up. This is it. And I am now three paragraphs into talking about it without having talked about it at all. That's how hard it is to write about for me.

One of my grandmothers did the art for Three Dances. She is an amazing, wonderful woman; donated her time and art to the book; and has been a mentor and a guiding light to me in ways I don't think she fully understands, because she is also a humble person.

But she's not the grandmother who has been most supportive of my writing over the course of my life.

Since I was a teenager, my other grandmother has encouraged me to be a writer. When she visited, she asked how my writing was going. When I was in college, she was thrilled to hear that I was studying writing, even though everyone knew it was never likely to be particularly remunerative. When we talked, she always, at some point, said, "Now, you're still writing, aren't you?" She was never pushy, but I always knew that she thought it was amazing that I was writing, and that she would be proud as a peach when my first book came out.

After my grandfather died, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, or something so much like it that nobody other than a doctor is likely to care about the difference.

But still, she knew I was a writer. During the times when the disease was just taking hold and she would only forget my name and not my face, she knew I was a writer. When we spoke, she still wanted to make sure that I was writing. It was very important to her. That's one of the funny things about that disease; you get to see what's important to people, because they talk about the same things over and over again.

In the last year, her disease has gotten much worse. I don't think she really knows who I am anymore. When we see each other, she gives me a huge smile and a hug and a kiss and says, "Oh, what a good-looking young man!" because, even as her brain wanders away from her, she is still just that kind of a person.

Last weekend I brought the proof copy of Three Dances to my parents' house so that I could share it with them and my grandmothers. And as I sat a table and waited for her to arrive, I realized that the grandmother who for years had encouraged me to write books would never really know that I had finished one, and that it was being published.

So I cried. And I'm crying again now, as I write this.

Because I could have done better. I could have done sooner. I could have published Three Dances, or Soulwoven, or something very much like them, while she was still capable of recognizing me and truly, deeply knowing that I had done something she had always wanted me to do.

So my advice to you is this: whatever thing you want to do with your life, do it now. Don't wait. There are people to whom your dreams are more important than you yet realize. And if you wait too long to make things happen, you may lose the chance to share wonderful moments with them.

I will never know what my grandmother's reaction to my first book would have been if it had come out five years ago. When I was younger, she was a very deep and thoughtful person. I wish I could know what she would have said and done.

Last weekend, her reaction was "That's wonderful! You wrote this? Where can I buy this? [pause, during which conversation moves on a little] I will give you two dollars for this!"

I told her her copy was on its way, and I laughed, because that reaction was so much better than what it could have been.

But still. Do it now. Whatever it is. Don't wait. We all only get so much time.

-Jeff

You can buy Three Dances here, here, or here.

News for the Week of 3.25.13: Proof! A New Challenge! Soulwoven to Be Pubbed This Summer!

Dear Friends and Readers,

Apologies for posting late! I have been busy with things that are Not Writing of late, but they’re wrapping up shortly and I’m very much looking forward to spending a lot more time creating things in the near future.

There is, nevertheless, some news:

My proof copy of Three Dances arrived today! I was less enthused than I’d hoped to be by the quality of the printing. It’s exciting to have a book in print, but there’s definitely a homespunness to CreateSpace that I wasn’t expecting. It suits Three Dances well, actually, but I was a little underwhelmed all-in-all. The electronic editions are definitely better.

I also discovered a need to tweak the cover in a couple of places and a couple of interior problems, so there will be a new proof coming my way soon. Perhaps it will be made of sterner stuff than the first one was.

I shall post the third story in the collection, The Glacier, on Wattpad as soon as I’m done with this letter. It’s longer than the rest and forms the backbone of the collection. It’s about a man who falls into a glacier. It’s also about his friend, and about the glacier itself, and the mountains, and a dance in the time of myth that shaped the world.

In Soulwoven-related news, the book has almost hit 250,000 reads! I can’t tell you how excited I am about that. I’ve decided to publish the book this summer (probably in June or July), and as I cook up ways to promote it, I’ve run across one that sticks out. Wattpad has a (hidden) rank for its books called “All-Time.” Right now, Soulwoven is somewhere around 275 on that list. If it breaks into the top 100, I should be able to write some pretty compelling copy for it.

All it needs to do that is your votes.

Seriously, if all 178 of you vote for every chapter in the book, it’ll get there in the blink of an eye. So if I’ve moved or entertained you, do me a solid and throw some votes my way. To those of you who already have, thank you. :-)

Nadya is still waiting for agents to respond. Soulwoven: Exile has my (nearly) full attention this month; I hope to have the first chapter ready for you soon.

Thanks as always for being the wind in my sails,

Jeff

News for the Week of 1.15.13: Montana, Nadya, and Many Reads

Greetings, Friends and Readers!

I am overdue for a newsletter. I hope you’ll forgive me. New and interesting things have been happening on several fronts. Work on Nadya continues. Its second draft (which I call the Cass draft, in honor of the wonderful woman to whom it is read during this stage of drafting) is nearly finished. I have had no luck whatsoever in finding cover artwork for it, which means I may soon have to resort to doing something for it myself---always a risky proposition.

Speaking of artwork, Three Dances is still stuck at the copy editing stage. I may soon employ drastic measures to get it finished.

And Soulwoven has been clipping along fantastically! You all, with your votes and your reads and your comments, are doing amazing things with it. I’ve been busy with other projects (mostly work and/or life-related, to be honest), and in my relative absence it has been flying. It crossed 100,000 reads on Christmas day. Three short weeks later, it has crossed 126,000. Nearly 1,700 people have read it in its entirety.

I am awed and humbled. Thank you for your support.

I spent the weekend in Montana, where Cass investigated a graduate program that involves placing GPS equipment on 6,000-meter peaks in Central Asia, and I investigated several varieties of beer, a mountain, the local bus system, and other sundries.

It was fun.

Soulwoven bonus content to come soon. It’s long overdue, and I am remiss in not posting it.

Love in the time of cold snap,

Jeff